Everyone tells you the first year is hard, but no one ever says why. Everyone also only posts about the best details (myself included), and say that it was the most perfect year, etc. I agree it was the most perfect year of my life. But it was also messy, confusing, exciting, full of love, and scary.
This year I learned a lot about myself. I learned about personal struggles that never seemed relevant until I was supposed to give every part of myself to another person. This year was the first time that I went to therapy. It was a really weird experience for me, it made me feel weak and that there was something wrong with me but by the end of it, my eyes and mind felt more opened. There have been some events in my life that have affected how I communicate and express myself. I have had to always rely and protect myself. I didn't have a Mom to talk me through all my struggles or call everyday while at college or help me on my wedding day. I didn't have a Dad who can easily express his emotions. Somewhere from 11-22 years old, I closed myself off to letting people truly into my life. So when the most perfect boy comes along and says to me, just tell me what you are thinking and I need you to talk to me...I couldn't. It was so hard to let him take care of me. Which is where tears, frustration, late night talks, and confusion came in.
But through this year it was also a time that I felt the most comfort, the most love, the most excitement and adventure. This year I went on a religious rollercoaster, became more connected to Sam, made new memories, and created new pieces of art. And most importantly I have begun to scratch the surface of who I am.
And although we don't hit our year mark for a few more weeks, I can say with confidence that this year has been the absolute best even with all its ups and downs. It was a year to become more one with the boy I love and I will forever be grateful for it.
This series is a raw capturing of my emotions and experiences as I walked hand in hand with my one and only sammy boy.